ive just had enough of feeling like i mess everything up
i feel like my only friend now doesnt care about me so they might leave soon, other people keep leaving me like someone who was helping me just left one day and this other person just ended up being awful to me when i tried to help them so now i feel like what happened is my fault. but no, they just left too. i get blamed for stuff that i never did so rumours keep getting spread about me and among other things. i hate it all. its like im just stuck here.
also Nachtide do whatever you want with this i dont care anymore. urgh.
Ahh, real friends. They're hard to find. I miss my younger days when social situations were easy and not forced. Through my ordeals with friends naturally drifting away or friends that probably just said fuck it and ditched me out, I've learned to just stay screw it and keep doing me.
If anyone wants to stand by your side, let them. It's a great bonus. Respect them. But if you sense that people kinda just leave you, especially when you feel you needed them, then I'd say just kinda forget about them and move on because that's probably what they're doing too.
friends are hard to find. especially since everyone chats rubbish about you so it makes you look like an awful person. and i cant keep doing me. i dont know who i am. its very complicated. i am confused about who i actually am. it changes.
nobody wants to stand by my side. everyone hates me at this point. even those people i was closest with. i have nobody.
So just accept that, right now, you have nobody. Chances are they don't really care about you, so don't care about them. You only have a finite amount of time on this planet. Don't spend it trying to chase people who don't even want you.
Find something worth working towards and work towards it. Show determination, effort and grind through it. I let my whole life get away from me by being a lazy shitin a matter of months. Things aren't perfect now but it's a lot better knowing that I'm actively trying to improve every day and work towards something productive and worthwhile.
Right now? I'm trying to land a job in the IT field. I probably won't get it since my grades are almost certainly gonna be awful and I've got no experience besides just learning from online sources but I'm gonna try. It's my own fault for being in this position because I was lazy as hell and didn't do what I was meant to do, so now it's up to me to learn from this whole situation and do something better.
Just know that your situation will not magically change on its own. You don't know what to do better? Find out. Don't stop searching for something to live for until you find it. You say you feel there's no point. If you really believe that, go ahead and do nothing and see how far you fall over the months. You will sink lower and lower and lower and lower and, it's sad to even say this, but you may even end up offing yourself. Or you can go searching for something worthwhile instead of thinking that it's going to search for you (which it almost certainly won't). It's your choice, really.
I know exactly how it's like feeling completely demotivated. I'd suggest relying on discipline instead of motivation because motivation comes and goes. Now this may not apply to DDR. If you don't want to play it then you don't have to. But it applies to school/work or anything you know you really need to do.
I also had a "I wish I was dead" period. Looking back, I'd say it was just an angsty phase. I'm not saying that yours is but it's just something to think about.
this is definitely not a phase. my motivation died around that time, but my problems have been going on for even longer. i desperately want to kill myself. too many problems. nobody wants to help me. everybody hates me. this is awful. humans are awful... i just want someone to kill me already
Fujiwara - if you are feeling suicidal, you need to get help. Please look at some of the listings here to find a helpline near you or an online chat if you prefer. It's also important you talk to someone off-line about this - a parent, or a teacher if you are under 18, or a trusted friend if you are an adult.