User:AptitudeForSerendipityButActuallyUselessThings

How long, how long will I slide? An existential crisis that never ends. A one that folds back into the delicate way without being truly beautiful the place and type of surroundings where something is bound to happen; universally takes place; invariably in no exception; will always be exhausted, absolutely certain that it will habitually begin a course of action towards you, teetering the greatest extent of your body's evolutionary gifts from your ancestors and using them against yourself, just thinking it, makes you cringe. That's why you don't do it because you have seen so much you know it won't end. You are aware that this crisis will someday end, but once again it will occur. After that you know it will end, then it will start a new one again. A cycle that never ends. Will this truly end? I need God now. God is the only one that is everything to me. Take else everything I'm fine with it. I can live without everything but I can never live without God. I love God. God is my everything to me. I love Him. So has it ended? No, it has not ended. Right now it's just useless to think about it. I cry not because I'm too weak to withstand all the pain, I've been too strong for too damn long. I feel weak. I haven't even talked to anyone about this. I kept by myself for 10 years. The first existential crisis that I had was when I was too young, realizing we'll all die anyways, and after death what will happen. "Is it all just black or something? I think we'll be reincarnated or something like that, I just feel it." . Just had an argument with my parents, a foolish disagreement. I was frustrated, I got so frustrated I got really bored. Mostly all of the first existential crises that all people have are from boredom, it mostly happens to kids and teenagers. We sometimes have them when we have a lot of things to do. You're so caught up with all your work, you just want to rest. You took a rest and made a realization. Once you graduate from high school, you'll get a job. Once you have a job or what you wanted to be you will now work. So say you made a decision that you wanted to be a cytologist because you found out what STEM cells are, they can be used to regrow limbs on salamanders, flatworms, zebra fish and much many more. You also found out that starfish can regenerate lost limbs as well, and those lost limbs can regrow starfish. It's called fragmentation. Your fascination aroused. You definitely set your destiny written on a stone and came to a resolution in the mind that when you grow up, you'll be studying STEM cells and other things that is similar to regrowing limbs such as growing up so you can associate what is the difference and similarities between them because you knew that maybe the answer was just in plain view. But your main reason that you wanted to be a cytologist was because you wanted to have superpowers, nothing else in mind. You were so young and innocent, you didn't even think of applying it to humans so it can possibly help fight diseases and help make a stronger immune system, somehow. But acquiring superpowers was your priority. You thought of what would happen when you became a famous cytologist now and during an interview you were asked would happen if they asked why you wanted to make regeneration possible in humans as well. You also found out that there is a possibility they won't ask that because most likely there are also other people who has the same idea as you then you guys made a foundation of your own and no one is possibly the founder except if you go first and make the organization first, or so you ever thought. And the second one is that you're having such a good time, and then after all of that good time, you made a realization that after you get old, you'll probably have kids, a wife, dead parents. A big family, what's so sad about it? It's because you are afraid of the new generation, you know for a fact that you won't ever get back those sweet old times back at you. A lot of people doesn't even live as long as you. Being happy is the only way you can avoid having an existential crisis, and keeping yourself occupied so you won't get bored and all that. And the third one is that, you got so bored, you can have an existential crisis from literally anything. That's me right now. And I know that it won't ever end. But by smiling and keeping myself occupied and always praying to God and actually talking to people, I can be happy.

"From where it stayed patiently waiting for my anguish, how sadistic and real."

-Dire75(it's me lol)

Reality is sometimes disappointing, just like what Thanos said. But most of the time it really isn't.

Oh, why am I saying it here? Ah yes I forgot to explain, I have no life. I might be just too considerate about things. I don't know, it's too difficult for me to explain. People might discriminate me, or am I just too self-conscious? Or am I too nice? I overthink things too much. I explain a lot just to say silently inside my messages "Please don't discriminate me. I don't want to be hurt. Please just stop." It's so hard. I just want people who understands me because I have so much mixed personality. I don't know. It makes me want to cry so bad, I don't know. This is what made me left the Loomian Legacy Wiki back then in just one week. Then after returning from that one week break and the reason why I took a break was that users were too harsh too me or was that I am too self-conscious about myself, too sensitive, I don't know. I just want a person that who understands me and doesn't discriminate me. And I'm leaving the Loomian Legacy Wiki for the same thing, partially though. The main reason was that I was spending too much time in that Wiki. Also spending too much time in devices, that I have no life. My main life is now the Internet. And not the real world. I hate you COVID-19. I hate you. I was never like this at all. And now I spend my whole day at my laptop. Back then I was going outside and going in malls(not really). Now I may sound like that I'm trying to get attention because of all the "(not really)" and "(it's me lol)". But it's just a way for me to not make you think that I am cringe. Because you might discriminate me or am I just too sensitive. Now I'm repeating myself. I was never too much of a nice person or anything like that. Quarantine has made my social skills and made me think that I'm annoying and too naive and shy and all that. Agh, I could go on with this but I'm tired of explaining. And oh yes, if you're reading this then you're a legend I tell you that :). You probably skipped to the end of all my stuff or something. Or you probably read all of it! Ah yes, this looks like my journal lol. I'mma stop right here. And last thing to say! If you're from the Loomian Legacy Wiki and if you know me and talked to me or all that, you can totally tell that I have no life and all that! I'll come back in December 12 which is Cephalops' birthday and my birthday as well. Once I come back from the Wiki you'll be surprised with a drawing of Anime Cephalops or Human Cephalops both male and female or all that you can tell. I am also showing the Taxonomic Rank of Cephalops just for fun though too lol!(I worked hard on it so please be happy with it once you see it :)) I'll also be doing a giveaway, I still don't know what to give lol. And I'm also be hosting a tournament and the prize is any PVP item that they need and a free PVP loomian I guess? So that's all, take care and goodbye :)!