User blog:JewelJosephine/Life as now.

Well as of now my life is pretty much all over the place, like it was going a little ok for a while then out of no where it went down hill. The love of my life who hurt me over a year ago comes into my life and leaves a lot, I know he will never love me back but I can't let go. I fell in love with someone he pretended to be and I just don't know why I still want him. He only calls, text, and snapchats me when he wants something, I always think to myself "Why me?" or "What did I do to deserve this?". I don't understand what lesson god is trying to show me by hurting me constantly. None of this is making me stronger it is only hurting me more and more each and every day. I've always tried to move on I would date someone and I'd be happy for awhile then he would find out that I'm dating someone and I'm happy and he would just out of nowhere text me and ask to hangout and I always agree to hangout then one thing leads to another and I go home crying. I don't understand, I was a nice, sweet, and kind girl to everyone I was never mean, I didn't smoke, drink, or any of that and god picked me to get hurt. As of this day I've been dealing with this for a year and it's still going on till this day. They has been boys who I've told this to and they helped me not cry all the time, they were always there for me, but I've manged to push them away and now they pretty much hate me. My recent ex made me the happiest I've ever been but we started to argued a few times here and there and then it turned into arguing everyday. We broke up alot then got back together but then my first love wanted to hangout and I ended up cheating on my ex 3 times with him. I told him I cheated because I'm not the kind of person to hide things like that. He took me back every time because he said he needed me but I always told him I needed my first love. Then after awhile of not talking to my ex, he became friends with my first love and I was just shocked. They started to hangout a lot and skateboard together, I just don't know what to think of it like was he just trying to get back at me or something. Recently my ex and me have started talking again and I promised him I wouldn't cheat again and I'm going to try and keep that promise this time. Well wish me luck guys.