User:CherryChaplin



= Artissimo Valiano (Conspiracy Theory/Urban Legend) =

Summary:
Artissimo Valiano - the legendary Holy Roman Emperor, Lion Of Rome, and Savior of the Nations. Artissimo Valiano is a modern urban legend/conspiracy theory stemming from ancient folklore and real historical figures. Valiano is described as an interdimensional time-traveling archangel, considered one of the five great archangels described in the biblical scriptures. He is said to be the benevolent puppetmaster of Europe, the Grandmaster of the Most Sacred and Ancient Order of the Victorious Sun, and engaged in a thousand-year-long war against the Reptilians, Ancient Aliens, Anunnaki, and Illuminati.

Valiano sits upon the High Throne of Heaven and ranks at the very top of the angelic hierarchy serving as the Prince of Heaven, King of the Angels, and Master of the Archangels. Artissimo Valiano (with the angelic name of Jupiter Sanguinius) is the greatest and most powerful of all angels, only tied in terms of strength, with Saint Michael the Archangel. Valiano is also regarded as a great warrior and brilliant swordsman, famously defeating the devil in personal combat. His military genius can not go unmentioned, as he has never lost a battle, and often smashes armies anywhere from twenty to a hundred times his number with minimal losses. According to legend, Artissimo Valiano leads the wild hunt across the skies hunting demonic hordes and monsters in his free time.

Valiano serves as the Archangel of Art, Royalty, & Power. The Emperor is widely hailed as the champion of freedom and protector of liberty. Patron of Rome & LandChads. He is often associated with Victory, Success, Prosperity, Physical Beauty, Wealth, Health, and Happiness. Artissimo Valiano is also hailed as the most beautiful of all the angels, nicknamed "the Golden One." He holds a longstanding reputation as a bon-vivant debonair enjoying romantic relationships with many strikingly beautiful women. Among the Archangels, Valiano is regarded as the most charming, charismatic, and beloved. He is rumored to possess a 790 IQ, Artistic Genius, and an incalculable angelic intelligence. In the modern-day, Artissimo Valiano is said to live as a billionaire philanthropist and world-famous artist in a lavish castle located in the French Alps.

Some of the Holy Roman Emperor's most notable feats: Slaying the Gnostic Demiurge and wiping out the Archons; Slaying Leviathan (the Multiversal Serpent), & Defeating Satan in personal combat.

Titles:
"Behold! By the Grace of God, His Holy and Imperial Majesty, Emperor Artissimo Valiano the First with the Angelic Name of Jupiter Sanguinius, the Divine Optochad, the Gigachad of Gigachads, the Chad of All Chads, Alpha of All Alphas, Sigma of All Sigmas, Emperor of Emperors, King of Kings, Honorary Brother of Christ, Crown of the High Throne of Heaven, Prince of Heaven, King of the Angels, Master of the Archangels, Lord of the Seraphim, Holy Roman Emperor, LandChad of the Planet Venus, Lion of Rome, Savior of the Nations, the Golden One, the Noblest of Heaven, Artistic Genius of the Universe, Champion of Freedom, Protector of Liberty, & Defender of the Innocent."

Description:
The Emperor stands at a colossal six feet and seven inches tall. He is blessed with an eternally youthful appearance, resembling a man in his mid-twenties. He boasts a muscular and athletic physique with fair to light olive skin. Women across the stars are said to be entranced by his piercing violet eyes. Everywhere he goes, Valiano radiates a miraculous golden aura and supernatural beauty.

Artissimo Valiano is rumored to possess supernatural abilities and magical powers. It is said that Artissimo Valiano is the most gifted artist on the planet and that his artworks themselves contain magical properties. It is believed his paintings can trigger psychedelic experiences, bring about good fortune, and manifest positive energy. According to legend, hidden symbols and esoteric messages that lie in his artworks can predict the future. After Artissimo Valiano's heroic sacrifice saving the world from a major reptilian invasion, he was blinded by the Reptilian King Saloc the Betrayer. Despite this, Artissimo Valiano's love of art could not be culled and he continued to paint. Artissimo Valiano gained the legendary reputation of the 100% Blind Artist. Valiano uses his telepathic and magical abilities to see, and therefore paint. Valiano's artworks can trigger orgastic euphoria and spiritual transcendence. Artissimo Valiano's artworks are synonymous with luxury, elegance, magnificence, and happiness. It is rumored that the U.S. Government, Bank of England, & the Vatican horde thousands of Artissimo Valiano's artworks. These said governments use his paintings to control the course of destiny, predict the future, alter weather patterns, and attain magical abilities. According to legend, Artissimo Valiano's artworks & paintings enchant the upper classes to remain eternally youthful, enhance their physical beauty, & extend their lifespan by hundreds of years.

Artissimo Valiano's known assets hold a net worth of over 300 Billion HRC (Holy Roman Crowns) or over $750 Billion. Artissimo Valiano is considered by far the richest and most powerful man on the planet. His unknown assets could be worth well over fifty-eight trillion U.S. dollars. During his free time, Artissimo Valiano enjoys surfing, skiing, and flying sports cars. Valiano owns castles and palaces across Europe. His primary residence, "Il Palazzo di San Dioniso" "The Palace of Saint Dionysus" is his awe-inspiring magnificent castle located in the French Alps. San Dionisio is said to be the greatest palace in history far surpassing Versailles, the Winter Palace, & the Forbidden Palace in glory, grandeur, and beauty. A palace so beautiful and legendary that it is believed to be the entrance to heaven.

The enemies of the Emperor are many yet his might remains unrivaled. Artissimo Valiano has already slain the Gnostic Demiurge and his sadistic Archons; he slew the terrible serpent, Leviathan, and has crushed the combined Reptilian-Alien invasions of the Earth. The once fearsome Anunnaki now cower in fear at mere the mention of the name, Jupiter Sanguinius. The Black Hand Satanic Order has already been purged by the Great Valiano. Despite suffering major humiliations at the hand of Artissimo Valiano, Satan and the Princes of Hell remain his most fearsome and formidable adversaries. However, the Reptilians and Ancient Aliens have also remained a constant threat and imposing enemy to Artissimo Valiano. To this day, ancient reptilian and ancient alien bloodlines attempt to assassinate Artissimo Valiano, in order to usher in their second invasion of the Earth. By Artissimo Valiano's strength alone does the world prosper!

Saint Artissimo Valiano the Archangel swears absolute allegiance and complete loyalty to God the Triune, Jesus Christ, & Humanity. As a reward for his loyalty, God has granted Valiano the ability to create and rule over his own universes. However, Valiano has vowed to all mankind to never forge a single universe until the true Holy-Roman-Empire is restored and this universe is perfected. It is prophesized that Valiano will usher in a ten-thousand-generation golden age for all of humanity and ascend each and every human being into the GigaChad Human Race. Artissimo Valiano will restore the true Holy-Roman-Empire and establish a universal realm ruled by Humanity.

History:
Saint Artissimo Valiano the Archangel is descended from Jesus Christ & the Ancient Royal Bloodline (All the Royal Houses of Europe being descended from Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene). Artissimo Valiano is considered an "Ascended Archangel" being both fully archangel and fully man; in the same model of Christ (with Christ being fully God and fully man at the same time). Saint Artissimo the Archangel was born into the Noble and Most Ancient House of Valiano, one of the founding patrician families of Rome and one of the most illustrious dynasties in European history.

Artissimo Valiano was born in Florence, Italy on July 23rd, 1120 A.D. to Holy Roman Emperor Leonardo Coreleone di Valiano and Holy Roman Empress Serafina Alessandra di Valiano. By the time Artissimo Valiano had reached just two months old, he had already developed his lifelong passion for art and painting. Astonishingly, at just four months old, Artissimo Valiano had gained complete mastery over art and all of her techniques. At the age of six months old, Artissimo Valiano had finished his first masterpiece artwork, far surpassing all of the best artists of his day.

Valiano was noted to have grown at an almost superhuman rate. By the time he was just two years old, he had the body of a strong and healthy twelve-year-old boy and the maturity of a man hundreds of years old. That same year, while the young prince was in the woods, he heard screams of agony coming from a nearby cave. Valiano grabbed his magical sword, Solaran, and with the rashness of youth rushed into the cave. He found Reptilians and Ancient Aliens performing horrifying experiments on a rare golden dragon. Before the hellspawn had time to react, the bold prince had already pounced upon them. Almost as if he were dancing, Valiano effortlessly slew the Reptilians and Aliens one by one. In gratitude for her rescue, the golden dragon submitted herself to Artissimo Valiano. Valiano named the golden dragon, Stellara. From henceforth, Stellara the Golden Dragon would fight alongside Valiano in all of his battles and she would become one of his most loyal and formidable allies.

The following month Valiano's sister, Princess Agrippina Julia di Valiano, fell gravely ill. She began screaming in agony with boils forming across her body. According to legend, an Angel of the Lord descended from heaven and gave Agrippina one of Artissimo's paintings. As Agrippina touched the painting a marvelous purple light was shown throughout the room and Agrippina was miraculously healed. The pain and the boils instantly vanished from her body. In the following days, cardinals and religious scholars from Scotland to India would come to see evidence of this great miracle. In an unprecedented act, Pope Calixtus II, declared Artissimo Valiano a living saint. The most famous of Valiano's many love affairs are with equally great and charismatic women. His longest love affair was with Juliette Blac. Valiano was so taken by her that he thought to officially make her his wife. Tragically before the night of their wedding, Juliette was murdered by Reptilians. In a godly rage, Valiano led his golden armies into the belly of the earth torching dozens of Reptilian kingdoms. Juliette upon her immortal death was elevated to the status of sainthood. In her honor, Valiano created the Aurora Borealis as a permanent reminder of his love for her.

Valiano's other famous lovers include: Eloise di Salle, Contessina di Aldrovaldi,  Erika Von Hethelstein, Ella Von Verdenstein, Emma Easton, Ava Hightower, Belle DuAllismont, Lucrezia di Valtriano, and Ginerva San Romano. All of these relationships were true love and most ended well. Artissimo Valiano is always known to have loved passionately and deeply. No matter who he loves, he is never half-hearted.

Legends
The most famous of Valiano's many love affairs are with equally great and charismatic women. His longest love affair was with Juliette Blac. Valiano was so taken by her that he thought to officially make her his wife. Tragically before the night of their wedding, Juliette was murdered by Reptilian Agents. In a godly rage, Valiano led his golden armies into the belly of the earth torching dozens of Reptilian kingdoms. Juliette upon her immortal death was elevated to the status of sainthood. In her honor, Valiano created the Aurora Borealis as a permanent reminder of his love for her.

It is rumored every Winter Solstice if a person were to donate a small portion of money to charity and leave a red candle outside at night, Saint Valiano would bless them with wealth, health, and happiness.