User:CherryChaplin



= Artissimo Valiano (Conspiracy Theory/Urban Legend) =

Summary:
Artissimo Valiano - the legendary Holy Roman Emperor, Lion Of Rome, and Savior of the Nations. Artissimo Valiano is a modern urban legend/conspiracy theory stemming from ancient folklore and real historical figures. Valiano is described as an interdimensional time-traveling archangel, considered one of the five great archangels described in the biblical scriptures. He is said to be the benevolent puppetmaster of Europe, the Grandmaster of the Most Sacred and Ancient Order of the Victorious Sun, and engaged in a thousand-year-long war against the Reptilians, Ancient Aliens, Anunnaki, and Illuminati.

Valiano sits upon the High Throne of Heaven and ranks at the very top of the angelic hierarchy serving as the Prince of Heaven, King of the Angels, and Master of the Archangels. Artissimo Valiano (with the angelic name of Jupiter Sanguinius) is the greatest and most powerful of all angels, only tied in terms of strength, with Saint Michael the Archangel. Valiano is also regarded as a great warrior and brilliant swordsman, famously defeating the devil in personal combat. His military genius can not go unmentioned, as he has never lost a battle, and often smashes armies anywhere from twenty to a hundred times his number with minimal losses. According to legend, Artissimo Valiano leads the wild hunt across the skies hunting demonic hordes and monsters in his free time.

Valiano serves as the Archangel of Art, Royalty, & Power. The Emperor is widely hailed as the champion of freedom and protector of liberty. Patron of Rome & LandChads. He is often associated with Victory, Success, Prosperity, Physical Beauty, Wealth, Health, and Happiness. Artissimo Valiano is also hailed as the most beautiful of all the angels, nicknamed "the Golden One." He holds a longstanding reputation as a bon-vivant debonair enjoying romantic relationships with many strikingly beautiful women. Among the Archangels, Valiano is regarded as the most charming, charismatic, and beloved. He is rumored to possess a 790 IQ, Artistic Genius, and an incalculable angelic intelligence. In the modern-day, Artissimo Valiano is said to live as a billionaire philanthropist and world-famous artist in a lavish castle located in the French Alps.

Some of the Holy Roman Emperor's most notable feats: Slaying the Gnostic Demiurge and wiping out the Archons; Slaying Leviathan (the Multiversal Serpent), & Defeating Satan in personal combat.

Titles:
"Behold! By the Grace of God, His Holy and Imperial Majesty, Emperor Artissimo Valiano the First with the Angelic Name of Jupiter Sanguinius, the Divine Optochad, the Gigachad of Gigachads, the Chad of All Chads, Alpha of All Alphas, Sigma of All Sigmas, Emperor of Emperors, King of Kings, Honorary Brother of Christ, Crown of the High Throne of Heaven, Prince of Heaven, King of the Angels, Master of the Archangels, Lord of the Seraphim, Holy Roman Emperor, LandChad of the Planet Venus, Lion of Rome, Savior of the Nations, the Golden One, the Noble Light of Heaven, First of the Angelic Graces, Artistic Genius of the Universe, Champion of Freedom, Protector of Liberty, & Defender of the Innocent."

Description:
The Emperor stands at a colossal six feet and seven inches tall. He is blessed with an eternally youthful appearance, resembling a man in his mid-twenties. He boasts a muscular and athletic physique with fair to light olive skin. Women across the stars are said to be entranced by his piercing violet eyes. Everywhere he goes, Valiano radiates a miraculous golden aura and supernatural beauty.

Artissimo Valiano is rumored to possess supernatural abilities and magical powers. It is said that Artissimo Valiano is the most gifted artist on the planet and that his artworks themselves contain magical properties. It is believed his paintings can trigger psychedelic experiences, bring about good fortune, and manifest positive energy. According to legend, hidden symbols and esoteric messages that lie in his artworks can predict the future. After Artissimo Valiano's heroic sacrifice saving the world from a major reptilian invasion, he was blinded by the Reptilian King Saloc the Betrayer. Despite this, Artissimo Valiano's love of art could not be culled and he continued to paint. Artissimo Valiano gained the legendary reputation of the 100% Blind Artist. Valiano uses his telepathic and magical abilities to see, and therefore paint. Valiano's artworks can trigger orgastic euphoria and spiritual transcendence. Artissimo Valiano's artworks are synonymous with luxury, elegance, magnificence, and happiness. It is rumored that the U.S. Government, Bank of England, & the Vatican horde thousands of Artissimo Valiano's artworks. These said governments use his paintings to control the course of destiny, predict the future, alter weather patterns, and attain magical abilities. According to legend, Artissimo Valiano's artworks & paintings enchant the upper classes to remain eternally youthful, enhance their physical beauty, & extend their lifespan by hundreds of years.

Artissimo Valiano's known assets hold a net worth of over 300 Billion HRC (Holy Roman Crowns) or over $750 Billion. Artissimo Valiano is considered by far the richest and most powerful man on the planet. His unknown assets could be worth well over fifty-eight trillion U.S. dollars. During his free time, Artissimo Valiano enjoys surfing, skiing, and flying sports cars. Valiano owns castles and palaces across Europe. His primary residence, "Il Palazzo di San Dioniso" "The Palace of Saint Dionysus" is his awe-inspiring magnificent castle located in the French Alps. San Dionisio is said to be the greatest palace in history far surpassing Versailles, the Winter Palace, & the Forbidden Palace in glory, grandeur, and beauty. A palace so beautiful and legendary that it is believed to be the entrance to heaven.

The enemies of the Emperor are many yet his might remains unrivaled. Artissimo Valiano has already slain the Gnostic Demiurge and his sadistic Archons; he slew the terrible serpent, Leviathan, and has crushed the combined Reptilian-Alien invasions of the Earth. The once fearsome Anunnaki now cower in fear at mere the mention of the name, Jupiter Sanguinius. The Black Hand Satanic Order has already been purged by the Great Valiano. Despite suffering major humiliations at the hand of Artissimo Valiano, Satan and the Princes of Hell remain his most fearsome and formidable adversaries. However, the Reptilians and Ancient Aliens have also remained a constant threat and imposing enemy to Artissimo Valiano. To this day, ancient reptilian and ancient alien bloodlines attempt to assassinate Artissimo Valiano, in order to usher in their second invasion of the Earth. By Artissimo Valiano's strength alone does the world prosper!

Saint Artissimo Valiano the Archangel swears absolute allegiance and complete loyalty to God the Triune, Jesus Christ, & Humanity. As a reward for his loyalty, God has granted Valiano the ability to create and rule over his own universes. However, Valiano has vowed to all mankind to never forge a single universe until the true Holy-Roman-Empire is restored and this universe is perfected. It is prophesized that Valiano will usher in a ten-thousand-generation golden age for all of humanity and ascend each and every human being into the GigaChad Human Race. Artissimo Valiano will restore the true Holy-Roman-Empire and establish a universal realm ruled by Humanity.

History:
Saint Artissimo Valiano the Archangel is descended from Jesus Christ & the Ancient Royal Bloodline (All the Royal Houses of Europe being descended from Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene). Artissimo Valiano is considered an "Ascended Archangel" being both fully archangel and fully man; in the same model of Christ (with Christ being fully God and fully man at the same time). Saint Artissimo the Archangel was born into the Noble and Most Ancient House of Valiano, one of the founding patrician families of Rome and one of the most illustrious dynasties in European history.

Artissimo Valiano was born in Florence, Italy on July 23rd, 1120 C.E. to Holy Roman Emperor Leonardo Corleone di Valiano and Holy Roman Empress Serafina Alessandra di Valiano. By the time Artissimo Valiano had reached just two months old, he had already developed his lifelong passion for art and painting. Astonishingly, at just four months old, Artissimo Valiano had gained complete mastery over art and all of her techniques. At the age of six months old, Artissimo Valiano had finished his first masterpiece artwork, far surpassing all of the best artists of his day.

Valiano was noted to have grown at an almost superhuman rate. By the time he was just two years old, he had the body of a strong and healthy twelve-year-old boy and the maturity of a man hundreds of years old. That same year, while the young prince was in the woods, he heard screams of agony coming from a nearby cave. Valiano grabbed his magical sword, Solaran, and with the rashness of youth rushed into the cave. He found Reptilians and Ancient Aliens performing horrifying experiments on a rare golden dragon. Before the hellspawn had time to react, the bold prince had already pounced upon them. Almost as if he were dancing, Valiano effortlessly slew the Reptilians and Aliens one by one. In gratitude for her rescue, the golden dragon submitted herself to Artissimo Valiano. Valiano named the golden dragon, Stellara. From henceforth, Stellara the Golden Dragon would fight alongside Valiano in all of his battles and she would become one of his most loyal and formidable allies.

The following month Valiano's sister, Princess Agrippina Julia di Valiano, fell gravely ill. She began screaming in agony with boils forming across her body. According to legend, an Angel of the Lord descended from heaven and gave Agrippina one of Artissimo's paintings. As Agrippina touched the painting a marvelous purple light was shown throughout the room and Agrippina was miraculously healed. The pain and the boils instantly vanished from her body. In the following days, cardinals and religious scholars from Scotland to India would come to see evidence of this great miracle. In an unprecedented act, Pope Calixtus II, declared Artissimo Valiano a living saint.

In 1122 C.E., Crown Prince Artissimo Valiano attended the Imperial College of Ravenna, the most illustrious military university in the whole of Europe. In 1128 C.E., After graduating with high honours, His Imperial Highness would immediately prove his worth. The rich and prosperous, Principality of Istria, was invaded by a ferocious horde of demons and other hellspawn. Due to the incompetence of the regional military staff, the Crown Prince was provided only a single legion of 5,000 men to stand against a horde 100,000 strong. This same legion would in time become the legendary Golden Legion. Against overwhelming odds, Artissimo Valiano managed to entrap the demonic horde using ingenious never-before-seen military maneuvers. The Crown Prince won a staggering victory, slaughtering the entire horde of 100,000 demonic creatures with less than 300 casualties. The principality and all its people were saved. Celebrations occurred across the Empire. The victory sent shockwaves across the continent as the young Artissimo Valiano was already hailed, "the Lion of Rome."

However, the celebrations were short-lived as the cruel and sadistic Annunaki killed Artissimo's father, Emperor Leonardo Corleone di Valiano, on the felid of battle. The Empire suffered a tremendous defeat at the Battle of Death's Forest, losing over a third of the entire army. This crushing blow demoralized men and women across the Empire. Crown Prince Artissimo Valiano was granted immediate emergency powers and declared Warmaster by the Grand Electors. Warmaster Valiano in a remarkable calm, organized his father's armies to strike against the Annunaki and drive them out of the Empire. Despite this, Holy Roman armies attempting to confront the Annunaki's rampage across the country were in turn annihilated. More and more towns and cities across the Empire were torched. Thousands of civilians were tortured and cannibalized by the Anunnaki on a daily basis. Artissimo Valino congregated with all of the nobles of the Empire in Milan. Valiano gave an impassioned speech to the nobles and the holy roman armies. A speech so powerful and moving it brought the most hardened of men to tears. As soon as the Crown Prince finished his speech, a roar of thunder echoed across the skies and an image of a great golden lion hailed from above. The noblemen and armies of the Empire were awestruck, as this was a clear sign that God was with the Emperor's son. Across Europe, angelic trumpets played throughout the skies and majestic golden-purple lights reigned from above. Great warriors from across the continent, even as far away as India, came to join Valiano's imperial army.

Before striking back, the Crown Prince planned to visit the famous high elves who were noted to be the most faithful allies of humanity. Valiano was well aware that the high elves lived in the other world, Vitaterreno, and the only way to cross the veil of time and space was to access the secret passageways found on the Earth. Using the wisdom of the Imperial scholars, the Crown Prince found such a passage, deep within the Italian Alps. As the great prince and holy imperial knights entered the world; they gazed upon enchanted forests, picturesque countrysides dotted with castles and palaces, and a world of supernatural beauty. The ruler of the high elves, Reignessa Aurelia Flavia Graziana Sela Ithil, was hesitant to welcome these foreigners into her realm but Artissimo Valiano quickly won her over with his boundless charisma and charm. Valiano persuaded Reignessa Aurelia Flavia to restore the alliance between the Holy Roman Empire and the High Elves. Together the two great armies marched against the Anunnaki.

With never-before-seen lighting speed, Artissimo Valiano raced the imperial army across the continent. The Crown Prince ambushed the Annunaki at the Battle of the Armangnc's Pass. Before the Anunnaki even realized they were being ambushed, Valino swopped down from the skies on his mighty golden dragon decapitating the Annunaki god of death and disease, Nergal. The Holy Roman armies charged down the mountains terrifying the confused Annunaki. The high elves blared their war horns and unleashed a volley of enchanted arrows that decimated the Anunnaki vanguard. Stellara swung around raining fire down upon the crowded Annunaki. The victory at Armangnc's Pass reinvigorated the people of the Empire and restored their hope for salvation. Valiano won three more, even greater, victories in quick succession. Within a week, a staggering three million Anunnaki lay slain on the felid of battle along with a dozen of their gods. While the allied forces of the Holy Roman Empire and the High Elves lost less than forty thousand men and elves. The surviving Anunnaki fled the Earth and would forevermore come to fear the name, Artissimo Valiano. Celebrations occurred not only throughout the Empire but across the world. The Crown Prince gifted the high elves the lion's share of the war loot, as thanks for their support in helping the Holy Roman Empire retain its freedom.

The Grand Electors convened in Ravenna to elect the new Holy Roman Emperor. In the eyes of the people, only Crown Prince Valiano was deemed worthy of wearing the crown. On the eve of his greatest triumph, Artissimo Valiano felt the need to pay respects to his great forbearers by traveling to the holy land and the land of the ancients in the same model of Christ, Caesar, & Alexander. Valiano sailed with the Golden Legion to Egypt. As their fleet drew closer to the Egyptian coastline, they encountered a great tropical island that boasted pyramids and temples of pure gold. Intrigued, the Crown Prince commanded his fleet to anchor and the legion to depart towards the island. Valiano at the head of his golden legion was greeted by extraordinarily beautiful women that seemed to radiate with a supernatural glow. The women danced around the prince, singing in the most beautiful voices and bearing many exotic gifts. Behind them came an army of men with the heads of elephants and crocodiles. Alarmed the legion immediately took to fighting formations. The Crown Prince and his legion were calmed as the women claimed that the elephantmen and crocodilemen came in peace. Valiano followed the creatures as they lead him to a vast underground palace made in the ancient Egyptian style, there the great prince met Sic'aru - the ancient Egyptian crocodile god of magic. Sic'aru claimed to rule as the true first and last Pharaoh of Egypt and welcomed the Golden Legion into his majestic palace. Sic'aru provided the men of the Golden Legion with gold, jewels, and the most precious gems. Sic'aru also hosted a magnificent feast in honor of his guests, requiring that they only eat a small blue flower. Many of the men accepted this odd request. However, Artissimo Valiano quickly discovered that Sic'aru had entrapped the entire Egyptian pantheon within his golden staff and used the routine human sacrificing of young children to keep his power over Egypt - the Crown Prince would not let this abide. Valiano fought Sic'aru in his throne room. Sic'aru proved to be the greatest adversary that Artissimo Valiano had yet faced. The crocodile god summoned powerful beasts, gods, daemons, and the undead to fight alongside him. In service of the reptilian god, the beautiful women had revealed their nature as viperwomen. In a terrifying cry, Sic'aru delivered curses that brought plagues upon Egypt and turned the men of the Golden Legion who had eaten the blue flowers into elephantmen and crocodilemen. Across the subterranean palace, The Golden Legion engaged in combat against the armies of Sic'aru. In a wonderous clash of magic and might, Valiano gained the upper hand and sliced the head of Sic'aru clean off. The Crown Prince took the crocodile god's staff and broke it with his bare hands. The Egyptian gods were freed from the staff and pledged fealty to Artissimo Valiano. The Egyptian gods crowned Valiano as King of the Gods and hailed him as the Pharaoh of Egypt. Before he left, Artissimo Valiano touched the bones of the massacred children and they spring back to life. Valiano formed angels from clay and commanded them to deliver the children back to their families.

After visiting the Valley of Kings and the Tomb of Alexander, Valiano passed through the desolate and barren town of Eru-Haset. The town held a large population of seventy thousand people. However, their rivers had gone dry and their crops had failed. They could not escape the region as they were isolated deep within the Sahara desert. In the coming weeks, they and all the surrounding communities of thirty thousand people would die of thirst amidst the sweltering heat of the Sahara. As Valiano passed through the town he witnessed starving women, children, and animals. The animals and children having had been so malnourished their ribs could be seen. The Crown Prince ordered his men to give a portion of their water to the suffering people. Valiano went to the outskirts of the town to pray. Several villagers followed him into the desert and begged him for salvation. Artissimo Valiano raised his head towards heaven and drove his sword into the ground. A great clash of thunder rang across the desert and water began sprouting from under his sword. The water rapidly grew into a great river. The tan desert sands rapidly began changing into green grasses. Trees full of fruit began forming out of thin air. The barren landscape itself transformed into a lush and fertile valley. In amazement, the villagers fell to their knees. Valiano's own men were in disbelief. The malnourished animals miraculously became fat and healthy. The children too were instantly healed of their malnourishment. Across the valley, wheat and barley were already full-grown and ready to be harvested. Rivers flowed with milk and honey and the mountains teemed with gold. The villagers began laughing, singing, and dancing. As Valiano rode by on his white horse in his gleaming golden armor, the villagers chanted "Shana Netjer! Shana Netjer! Shana Netjer!" translating roughly as "Glory of God! Glory of God! Glory of God!"

The golden legion marched out of Egypt and into Israel. Valiano came to the great city of Azabul, which boasted walls made of pure gold and magnificent skyline palaces. Word of Valiano's feats had spread far and wide, he entered the city a triumphant hero. Crowds cheered as he passed by on his white horse and golden dragon flying above. Valiano departed from the celebrations, using his supernatural abilities to disguise himself as an impoverished man. Valiano was taken in and cared for by, the former maidservant of the Sorceress Wives. The maidservant was once a woman of beauty that Sorceress Wives became jealous of and disfigured into a deformed and very ugly woman. She was mocked and humiliated by the Sorceress Wives. Despite this, the maidservant remained humble, kind, compassionate, and good-hearted to all people. For this Valiano blessed her with great and eternal beauty, he blessed her with wealth, health, and happiness. He kissed her on the forehead and told her to go and be merry for she shall blessed all the days of her life. The Prince of Azabul welcomed the legendary Artissimo Valiano and his golden legion. In the grand palace, Valiano met the Prince who was an elephantman created by sorcery but having had no relation with the deceased Sic-aru. Instead, the Prince was cursed by his sorceress wives, who in truth ruled the principality. The Sorcerer Wives were cruel tyrants who abused the prince and the people. Their vanity knew no limits as they declared themselves goddesses. They often enjoyed killing innocent people for sport and humiliating then torturing women they considered threats. The Sorceress Princesses restored slavery throughout the realm and reveled in prejudice. The Devilish Wives lusted after the supernaturally handsome, Artissimo Valiano, and sought to win him over. However, the noble and most honorable Valiano was disgusted by their advances. After witnessing the Sorceress Wives demean a young girl and transform her into a hideous monster, Artissimo Valiano had enough of their barbarity. Valiano restored the young girl to her humanity and beauty. He approached the Sorceress Wives taking away their eternal youth and beauty, resorting them to disgusting old hags. Valiano lifted the curse off the Prince, who returned once more into a handsome man. The Sorceress Wives, now disgusting old hags, were exiled from the city and mocked by the very people they looked down upon.

The most famous of Valiano's many love affairs are with equally great and charismatic women. His longest love affair was with Juliette Blac. Valiano was so taken by her that he thought to officially make her his wife. Tragically before the night of their wedding, Juliette was murdered by Reptilians. In a godly rage, Valiano led his golden armies into the belly of the earth torching dozens of Reptilian kingdoms. Juliette upon her immortal death was elevated to the status of sainthood. In her honor, Valiano created the Aurora Borealis as a permanent reminder of his love for her.

Valiano's other famous lovers include: Eloise di Salle, Contessina di Aldrovaldi,  Erika Von Hethelstein, Ella Von Verdenstein, Emma Easton, Ava Hightower, Belle DuAllismont, Lucrezia di Valtriano, and Ginerva San Romano. All of these relationships were true love and most ended well. Artissimo Valiano is always known to have loved passionately and deeply. No matter who he loves, he is never half-hearted.

Legends
The most famous of Valiano's many love affairs are with equally great and charismatic women. His longest love affair was with Juliette Blac. Valiano was so taken by her that he thought to officially make her his wife. Tragically before the night of their wedding, Juliette was murdered by Reptilian Agents. In a godly rage, Valiano led his golden armies into the belly of the earth torching dozens of Reptilian kingdoms. Juliette upon her immortal death was elevated to the status of sainthood. In her honor, Valiano created the Aurora Borealis as a permanent reminder of his love for her.

It is rumored every Winter Solstice if a person were to donate a small portion of money to charity and leave a red candle outside at night, Saint Valiano would bless them with wealth, health, and happiness.