Thread:Mister Explicit/@comment-24831695-20161217104334/@comment-24669364-20161217133540

This was a great effort on a spinoff. I found it very intriguing and it really shows the depth of the brutalness of the Hellwolves. Good job!

If I can make three tips for your second draft - this is what I would do (sorry if this comes off as nitpicking, but I couldn't find an alternative way to tell you this) - That's all. Aside from that, you have done a marvelous job. I look forward to the second draft!
 * I found a continuity issue in this story: Before Oscar Miles, Vincent Ross was not an active member of the Hellwolves. Yes, he was associated with them, but he had his own agenda, just targeting others alone. So if I were to tweak the story, I'd remove Ross out of the picture. Also, the Hellwolves were only divided once Ross was a Hellwolf leader (according to your prologue).
 * From my past school, the headmaster was one to always sit in his office, do checkups during classes and such, so why would he be the one to get Eddie? Perhaps use the vice-principal, or make up another teacher?
 * The only thing I didn't quite get was the end: Does Kody drop out the day before Miles goes to Fortuna or is there like a two-month flashforward? If there was some clarification, then that would have been great.