User:PeterStyles101

Friends of F*R*I*E*N*D*S should love this

May 7 2021

So Dis old guy with Alzheimer's walks into a bar, sits down next to a hooker, looks at her and says "So hey Kid.... Do I come in here often"?

Or,

It's a Saturday night in what has lately become a trendy part of town. At the Gladstone Hotel’s Melody bar, Politics and the arts blend at the bar, deep in philosophical conversation, and in some cases, spirited debate about the events of the day.

At one end of the bar, a young lady, (either Monica Gellar or Rachel Green) sits displaying more of her leg than is probably suitable, as a young man of uncertain sexuality, (Ross Geller) flips his scarf flirtatiously next to her.

At about 10:00, a gentleman, (Chandler Bing) enters the bar. For some reason his semi advanced age and deportment momentarily command the attention of anyone within eyesight of the door.

This gentleman is dressed in a suit which 20 years ago might have been considered the height of fashion with its double-breasted jacket and razor-sharp creases in his pants. His shoes bear the mirror like shine that demonstrates the type of attention given by a military type. He has an air of dignity, while still exuding the aura of someone who, with only a few setbacks more in life might have been homeless.

He approaches the only seat available in the establishment, that next to the young lady, whose skirt suddenly hikes just a little higher. He orders a Manhattan, and several of the patrons scoff at his choice of such an antiquated cocktail.

The gentleman removes from his pocket a wad of bills that instantly dispels any suggestion of homelessness and pays for the drink.

The skirt of the young lady next to him now screams for attention. As he notices the demonstration with a smile of approval, and since the young man is no longer interested in the gentleman, his attention wanders elsewhere in the room.

The Bartender (Joey Tribianni) watches over all the activity and sets up drinks on the bar with an air of bored familiarity. The waitresses, (Phoebe Buffay and Janice Littman) serve their drinks with a minimal amount of interest.

Direction: (During the introduction of Phoebe and Janice, it should be noted that the phrase “Oh - My - Gawd” takes Phoebe’s attention, and her head snaps quickly to attention.  She turns to Janice who was serving a customer (Paulo) with his hand on her butt. Phoebe looks at her and says “When you’ve been here long enough that won’t even phase you.” She hip butts Paulo before walking away with a grin.)

         ''Gunther snickers as he continues stacking glasses. He’s seen it all before''

         Warning: Being the only scripted dialogue in the scene, this may diminish the effect of the overall Punch line.

Alternate: Have Phoebe simply snicker and shake her head in obvious disgust as she hip butts the customer.

The gentleman's gaze shifts to a corner table where sits an attractive 40ish woman, (Rachel Green or Monica Geller) straight backed, glancing at a book he imagines poetry or prose. She wears her hair in a perfectly balanced bun which suggests the length to which it would fall if released. Her shapely legs are crossed demurely at her ankles. A well-fitting skirt and jacket complete the look. She wears very little makeup, but her features are perfectly defined, and attract the attention of every young Mother fixation in the bar. By all means for shock / ironic effect, the lady might be played by Morgan Fairchild (Chandler’s Mother), although the tone of the scene changes drastically.

The older gentleman spies her posture and seated gait, and as the younger lady knowingly vies for his attention, he stands and carries his drink in the direction of the lady in the corner.

As he approaches, he notices the book, "Fifty Shades of Gray" and admires her taste as well as her courage in literary selection.

He is lost in the illusion she presents as her perfume cuts through the stench of the Barroom past its prime.

'As the entire production is given a relaxing background of a guitar, playing Something Stupid, a quote from some romantic poetry voiceover reading by a lady begins as he notices the young lady reading a book in the midst of this festive scene. As he approaches (and recognizes the book) there is a record scratch, and a man’s wicked voice takes over the voiceover with a reading from the hottest, most near orgasm, descriptive passage from the book “50 Shades Of Gray. The entire segue should take only 10 seconds if that.'

At this time, the scene may segue to a short tasteful scene (her head flailing on a pillow in the throes of Orgasm) and then back to the barroom.

         He approaches and as she notices him, a smile teases at the corner of her mouth as she pays homage to the only age-appropriate gentleman in the house.

He takes the smile as an invitation to join her, and does so with no expectation of anything but quiet conversation between two people of similar age.

He stares into the eyes of the most beautiful girl he's seen since his recently departed wife, and with eyes brimming with the joy of hopefulness, takes her hand softly and whispers to her, "Now you look familiar.  So... Tell me gorgeous...Do I come here often"?

NOTES:  History

'''During the original casting process for FRIENDS legend has it that Courteney Cox was auditioning for the role of Rachel. The producers saw it differently.'''

'''The purpose of writing this, aside from Comic Relief from a Covid 19 house bound boredom, was to exercise the ability to create a colorful narrative, through descriptive prose. I wanted to create a picture to which the fans of the T.V. show “FR*I*E*N*D*S” would be able to relate, while at the same time paying homage to the Gladstone Hotel’s Melody bar, which for 14 years had been my home.'''