User blog:Tjdg1215/What's Wrong?

=
Yesterday was the most exhausting day I had, I wished I could just take things back and hoping things were quiet and calm. It wasn't anyone's fault. I am at fault for most part, I should have just stayed away. I am used of doing things alone, having one friend at work. Away from all the noise, away from everyone that can hurt me even if they don't mean to. So I had a fight with a gay at work because he was just merely bullying/teasing me while I was assisting someone then I had an arguement with a friend. And you know I like this guy at work, I only saw him once but we do talk at times through chat. I realized I like him for his brain and his good heart. He is kind. And he's a nerd, I am a nerd myself in a different light. There's nothing wrong with being one, and I think it's cool. Only that, he does not like me. He said he can't be in a relationship because he has a lot of problems. I actually understood what he meant, because i can't be in a relationship either, because I need to better myself I need to continue loving myself first before I invest in someone else's life. Everything is just fine. I know this is just a moment. It's not his fault. I just really want to be friends with him but I didn't want to pressure him, because he almost did not want to talk to me anymore. I think. At some point, I just felt undesirable to anyone. I've been single for years now and all my failed relationships were based on 3rd party and lies. I guess, I am bad at making choices in choosing my man. So ever since then, I chose to be alone. So every time, I get to be attracted to someone I get scared. Like what happened now, I got scared and I got rejected. But out of being kind he still considers me his friend. But as long as I feel attracted to him, I should know my limits and I think I know what to do. And I hope he will understand. Funny thing is, he introduced me to this site because I told him I like to write. I actually deactivated all my social media accounts except for viber so I can talk to my family in Cali, Netflix, and Spotify. I even disabled my blog on google from the public eye. And I am starting one here, thinking maybe he'll get to read this and understand where I am coming from. Maybe we'll both talk on how we can still be friends without hurting the other, is that even possible? Because I still want him to be my friend. He may not be the most appealing guy, or the handsome one. But as I told him, I like him for his brain and because he is kind to me. I am just not sure how he took it. I am even not sure if he's ever going to talk to me again, because I won't make the move. I just asked myself, what's wrong with me? Why wouldn't anybody like me? My friends say I am not ugly, I have a good heart. A friend  told me that it's better to be alone than to end up with someone who's just the wrong one for me. I know that, it's just that it's been a long time and I wanted to get out there and try again at least maybe dating. Anyway, I don't know if anyone would read this But I do hope if you are in some kind of sadness right now, know that you are loved by family and friends. I may be sad but I have amazing people in my life. Just wanted to share my thoughts on this guy. Because I think he's an amazing guy for someone (including his flaws whatever they are). And I wish he knows that.=====