User:PrincessGG16

My name is Jordan Ntuen and i'm  fifteen years old and goes to Cummings High School in Burlington North Carolina. I live with my dad and his girlfriend, who drives me nuts because i always have the feeling that she is trying to replace my mother, who i got taken away from when i was eleven, and sheis always blaming me on things that i didn't do. We have entensive in home theropy where the theropist come to our house to have sessions. When we have our sessions, i would get upset because they treat me like i'm stupid and i really don't like when the theropist lady, Ms. Sherry intimidates me. She would ask me a question and if i tell her the truth, she would say i'm lying even if i was telling the truth but she and my parents always think the everything i say is an "excuse". After that, i just started thinking that i should just go with what they expect to come out of my mouth, but when i do that, she would say that what i say is "rehearsed".I felt so annoyed that at every session, i would just be completely silent until they ask me a qustion, i answer them with only one word. I wouldn't add any extra comments because 1) it's going to make the session longer and 2) if i say something i don't want them to know about, they would get all up in my business and be more strict on me.

My problems are not just at home, thery're also at school, where the world of bullying, rejection, and hatred begin. The good thing about school is my friend Rebecca. I also had another friend named Briyannah who had to move after the first week of school because she and her family got kicked out of their home and had to move to a new house which was in another district. She goes tho Williams High School now, which was the school i always wanted to go to ever since the beginning of nineth grade but wasn't very lucky because i didn't live in the same ditsrict. I only saw Rebecca during breakfast, earth science, and at lunch. Alicia, which was Rebecca's third grade friend, sits with us and would talk talk talk the whole time about a bunch of lies about Rebecca's crush, Brian, which is the same old conversatioon everyday. I figured she only done that to get her attention just so she could still her from me. When she talked, was quiet, yet when i talked, she was quiet.

Speaking of lunch, there is this person i have a crush on named Andrew. He was tall enough to look like he was a senior, and had medium-length brown hair and a camoflauge jacket. He had a friend, who i don't know his name, who has blonde hair. Rebecca shares the same class as him, which was a very helpful coincidence. He sits at the lunch table right beside the lunch line which is where i go to get my lunch. I would get so nervous, i would hide behind people. I remember this onetime when we were both in the lunch line and Andrew was at the end. I noticed he took a long glance at me. I turned away to not look so obvious so i wouldn't be very noticable. There was also this one time when he walked past me in the middle of the line as i felt his air. My heart raced as i stood stiff. That was the closest he ever been to me. Ever since then, he wasn't in the line. He would already be sitting with his freinds before i even got to lunch. I got kind of worried because i thought he didn't want to be around me. What if he alraedy knew that i liked him?

At least i thought that until the day i was stupid enough to give Rebecca a note i wrote in earth science which was about me wanting to see Andrew on Friday so i could be friends with him. It also had lies about my appearance so he wouldn't know who wrote him the note. That plan didn't turn out that well. I remembered that Rebecca did tell me he had a girlfriend, but i wasn't thinking right, so i though i still had a chance. I was so nervous when i was in third period because lunch was next. The bell rung, i was shocked out of my anxiousness. For the next two days, i didn't go to lunch because i was scared about how Andrew reacted to the note. On the same day, when i was about to attempt to go to lunch, i saw what looked liked Andrew's girlfriend walking angrily out of the cafeteria. So i waited until anime club, which was on thursday, the same day he got the note, so Rebecca could tell me how it turned out.

Thinking that the plan didn't go do well, i asked Rebecca and she said that hh said he already had a girlfriend and that his girlfriend told me to back the f*** off. That comment sort of pissed me off to the point i knew that one day, i was going to do something i would regret, trying to get back at her. Alicia told me that she was an over preotective girlfriend, which i though was cliche because i was beginning to think that it might not be Andrew's fault. I'm one of those girls that if my crush had a girlfriend, i wouldn't give up.It's because all throughout my life, everytime i liked a boy, he would always end up having a girlfriend and i take that as a sign that the universe is telling me to not pick the wrong guy. Maybe it's because im ugly, which is not really true because there are people out there uglier than me who have boyfriends and girlfriends. Everytime i go home i always question, why does everyone have a boyfriend but me? Even Rebecca has this boy she met at anime club who really likes her.

I would always be myself and not try to go too extreme just to impress a guy because ever since midle school, i've learned that you could have the prettiest face and wera the most expensive clothes, but at the end of the day, there will always be someone out there hating on you just because they hate you in person. So it's not really worth it to try to impress Andrew just by my appearance. I mean if we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend then why can't we just be friends. Even thought i'm kind of scared that we wouldn't have as much in common and me, Briyannah and Rebecca, such as liking anime. Maybe he has a bad attitude, maybe he's a racist. There are many differnt possiiblilties of what he would do.

I want to get to the bad side of the story. Starting from the beginning of middle school, i wa filled with depression because of the kids calling me ugly at school. No one wanted to be my friend unless they take advantage of me and try to blackmale me that if i didn't do what they said, they wouldn't be my friend anymore, ehich kind of bothered me because i didn't have any friends at all. I did things that got me in trouble because i was too gullible to stand up for myself and say no. When i did litlle things that wasn't even a big deal such as wearing certain clothes that people didn't like and laugh or talk about me, but when other people did it, it was not a problem and nothing to joke about. That made me so upset. Then on top of that, my stepmother, who i use to live with, Jackie, would yell at me and make me feel uncomforatble in my surroundings. When i do one little thing, she would get upset and tell dad then i get in trouble. I was tried of it, so my very first cut was the small scratches on my left arm.

I was so fustrated, the pain wasn't even noticable. I then had to go to a hospital called Old Vineyard so i could get my treatment. I made alot of friends there, including this one girl, i forgot her name, we spent a whole lot of time together, until afetr two weeks, i had to leave. I went back to the horse and things started to get worse, so me and my dad had to move to Tammy's house. At first when we lived there, things were turning out alright until i had to go to the hospital two times in one month because of servere depression and having about fifty deep razor cuts on my left arm. Before they noticed, i would do it where no one saw me and would go to bed at night, dealing with the pain of my stiff, bleeding arm. I really likedthe pain, even if it did hurt. I was also forced to report that i was having a million thougths of suicide, like drinking cleaning detergents, electricuting myself in the bathtub, and even stragling and drowning myself with anything i could find. I had to be asked a bunch of times at the hospital of how i was feeling, how did i get my scars and why  was i feeling depressed.

Going to the hospital wasn't really that bad. It was like going to a summer camp with an art room, gameroom, and even a playground we could go to. I go on the swings because they help calm my mind. We couldn't go into our rooms until showertime and bedtime. If we leave anything, they wouldn't unlock the door unless it was an emergency. But here's the best part. When i first got there and had to sit in the wiating room, i found this really cute guy named Alex. At first, i thought he was just another to-good-to-be-true crush that didn't like me back. He had blonde macklin-moore like hair, blue eyes and was very nice and flexible. He mostly talks to me instead of the other girls and when he does somethig amazing, he would only call my name to make sure i was looking.