User:Comment Spae

in the middle of 2019 i saw meggy spletzer from SMG4 having transformed into a human in spite of me knowing her to be an inkling for two years for the first time in the only episode that depicted her in that state at that time ("mario does the chores") and decided the appropriate response was to force (exact action word: force, as in intentional) immobility via pressure of forcing masturbation in connection with weakening the connection of my joint in order to defy the creative satisfaction of the series' creators. also, most significantly, i had assumed that meggy was in that form for multiple episodes already upon seeing "mario does the chores", despite only seeing it in that one episode and for the first time, as opposed to actually seeing multiple episodes featuring meggy in her human form rather than just making the presumption that she had already been that way for a long time

as opposed to the sensible and inconsequential path of accepting it and taking it as the new norm of her character due to it being an irreversible physical appearance change to her character and the character arc with her in that form not even having began officially

the two events now eternally coexist, human meggy spletzer being introduced as part of the status quo of the SM64 parody series and me giving myself an immobility issue as a quote-unquote "preemptive" measure unique to only myself

of course, because immobility is external and to the real world, i am not the only one who has to deal with that fact

no it's not because "tragic event motivating permanent physical alteration" seriously it's not me trying to copy that element in the real world since the transformation is associated with the serious death of a character within a show intended to parody a game in the mario franchise that is absolutely not the reason the reason is an arguably contextually morbid attempt to retort against the change due to considering it a terrible idea to move forward with. i was basically told that there was a girl named "desti" who died in a prior video that i had not yet seen that meggy had to continue the legacy of in relation to "training" for something in relation to usage of the signature splattershot firearm, due the series parodying nintendo overall, really, but instead of taking that possible character arc as something worth watching, with the physical form involved as well, i took it as rather the opposite... so very obviously rather the opposite, as opposed to at least trying to give an arc involving both of those things a chance to even begin without personal issue before determining the quality. don't think i didn't recognise that it was going to lead on through multiple years and that her physical form was going to stay forever, because i sure as hell did acknowledge all that. of course, with how many joke episodes it took to reach that future character arc due to time to prepare it, i absolutely grew considerably impatient for a character arc that i knew would begin and what the exact events would be to begin

only reason everyone who isn't me is fine beyond the prospect of that switch in comparison is because they don't care regarding the idea of one character fulfilling the wish of another in a parody series, don't know of the parody series in detail whatsoever, or embrace the whole change in status quo that is introduced with a character arc post-species switch... and don't have the thought process to make the automatic conclusion to react like that with such drama in the first place. basically i had very little tolerance over a character seriously trying to fulfill the wishes of a dead character in a joke series themed around internet memes, which is an understandable thing but, uh... bit excessive of a way to rebel against it inevitably being something that would be marked in history forever. i mean, that was the first time the series would ever do that, but it was a better idea to just allow it to happen and tolerate it because it obviously didn't exist yet to be able to say whether or not it would have provided for or set back the quality of the series as a whole, even i knew that just like i knew the eventual prior and future events simply from dialogue exchanges originating from one particular character

events that happened at the same time:
 * the release of five nights at freddy's: help wanted
 * me dismissing the secondary school... "friends" that i had upon the recognition that i could no longer relate to them due to the influence danganronpa had on me since me and them actually had zero compatibility to the point where it drained my capacity for thought and i failed to act on that at an earlier point
 * "an interview with springtrap"
 * pewdiepie's official return to minecraft
 * the release of chapter 3 of dark deception
 * the series finale of the amazing world of gumball
 * celestia and luna (no need to point out the source, should be obvious if you were alive in 2010) playing the role of hero in substitution of the mane 6 and said mane 6 disliking them for it
 * eight or so total months of the first hiatus of stampy's lovely world (keep in mind the fictional helpers representing each of stampy's elements had existed since late 2015)
 * the halfway point of hermitcraft 6 (yes, 6, the grian debut season, not even anywhere near 10)

yeah when all of these events didn't exist i was seemingly not placing myself into a position of absolute hell upon immediately recognising what they indicate as cultural progression

though honestly it mostly stems from meggy spletzer's human transformation because the episode where it happened, "final hours", including "final" in the title led me to believe a whole lot of falsifications instead of presuming that it was simply the end of a thriller story arc... because... the finale of something overall does not specifically use "hours" as a unit of time now, does it? no, it does not, even i knew that when the episode was released. clearly it was so obviously a thriller story arc finale. hey, it was released at the beginning of the month, how do you think the end would have turned out?? yeah... either way, "final" being included in the title also enabled me to act in further erratic recklessness than there was already present because it caused me to fear the possibility of an ending turning to reality due to there not being anything after that, instead of doing the simpler task of accepting that "final" does not mean "series finale" and instead "arc finale" due to the use of "hours" and waiting for what may proceed it. wouldn't say SMG4 made a wise choice of words there, definitely

2019 was essentially divided into two halves stemming from end-of-decade stresses, the first half being about my first encounter with anime in the form of danganronpa triggering my flight or fight response in the form of enabling it for me to be inquisitive about myself to an extreme capacity that i end up allowing to be external to the point of denying a present that isn't even of that big a misfortune at that rate, and the second half being my physical immobility issue triggered by the external effects of that encounter in combination with trying to avoid a school presentation based on the entire franchise because it would be far too outlandish to try to discuss in front of students and a teacher who still don't have full comprehension of me because i try too much to be implicit. this would also reveal that there are communities who just outright dislike my personality despite them not even knowing me personally in the slightest because the internet is antagonistic and full of awful people, giving me the impression that everyone even outside of the internet hates me too, which would cause me to delude myself into thinking that i am not worth the time existing here and becoming masochistic beyond normal masochism by getting myself into situations of actual inability, with the things that i realised about myself from danganronpa also serving as a motive

of course, this would also mean that anything SMG4 meggy spletzer being human for the first time, along with anything related to stampy's lovely world court of paw and go throw (those two series seem thematically contradictory, they are with one being overall easier to watch, but they are still the same radical left game parody series from may of the early 2010s of which both premiered on a saturday) onward, i am unable to experience with any format of peace because i ruined the virtue of experiencing it just after those points (well, equivalent to "just after" regarding time equivalence for the hiatus from the latter) because i couldn't tolerate myself after my first encounter with the entire danganronpa franchise due to what it is. by objective standards, the events that i am listing are the most blatant indicators of cultural events that show self-awareness from the topic itself due to said topic having been existent for long enough for people to dissect it enough that the topic itself also dissects itself in official content... i just decided the exact moment i recognised that beginning to happen, to my inconvenience. and yet, at the same time, people want me to like them, or commit to the simple thing of agreeing with them despite their own processes being actually fundamentally flawed and that being transparent to me on all accounts... yeah, not helping your case there

and the ridiculously annoying thing, i am not even exaggerating any of this, but lol anyone on this platform would propose doubt about that because nothing outlandish truly happens to anyone on the internet because everyone on the internet is an extremist in conformism to the extent of denying anything truly outlandish that is still true as being true despite it being objectively true anyway. seriously if you think that i wanted to actually make 2019 the year when i would suffocate myself in further misfortune just when culture begins to be more self-critical and tries to execute itself to complete anticipated things as opposed to just letting that culture do that thing then, uh... no. i would have been better off, if anything, if i didn't make 2019 the year where encountering danganronpa would end up being a self-fulfilling contextual prophecy for basically my entire existence and just allowed the year and the events of it to just happen without a problem by continuing through with what i was already doing by just following along with something and not making significant reactions outside of the thing that i was following itself

so basically, extreme overreaction stemming from my first late contact with an early 21st century anime-related work, a misleading title based on finale, the beginning of various plot resolutions, and traditional "what if" concepts becoming a reality are the main causes of my physical immobility that my other issues expand from. honestly, misleading title also includes misleading video because it ends with "fin" without any indication that it's only about the story arc... immediately after a finale-like event in the form of a character switching species at the expense of another character's life and having to commit to their legacy for them

or, in summary, it's more like that it was caused by me deciding to allow the thoughts that i had as a result of my encounter with danganronpa be external but hidden from anyone that i would interact with by filtering them into a single document and making those thoughts visually clear rather than having the thoughts but keeping them internal instead, which would end up amplifying my stresses and emotional pains due the clear image that i have on my own failures up to that point, which was not helped by me not only deciding to filter them into said document within the first half of the year but practically not even a lengthened period of time after the age i would become within that year, causing me to act far more reckless and act in denial of present circumstances as the establishing points of both the age and year instead of going with the flow of everything around me by... not making what i realised as a result of my encounter with danganronpa clear to myself via filtering them externally? which i am also certain i did immediately upon encountering the entire franchise's events too so i would not forget the thoughts that i first had because i found value in how unique they were to me and everything in general, as in i was forcing them to remain there and held them at a metaphorical gunpoint via filtering them through a document so they wouldn't be able to escape nor be forgotten... even though i was clearly better off ignoring and forgetting them instead, since they were clearly too loose within my head for me to be able to remember them instinctively, implying that my head was practically ordering me to forget them but i reeled them back in each time they tried to lead themselves out of my head, something of which i was aware was the better idea as it happened and i am not saying in hindsight because of what happened as a direct result of me not just letting the thoughts i had immediately escape from my head like they were repeatedly doing each time they happened because i subconsciously knew that they were worthless within the timeline... and because all of that happened at the beginning of the encounter, the year, and the age that i came to be during all of it, yeah, my opportunity to prevent my current situation is actually much further away than i first presumed because i acted on what i thought was right within the immediate moment instead of deciding to leave time gaps so that i can reach a point that can be considered 'late' before doing anything that can be considered 'objectively reckless'

and i know this is the same timeline where i did everything that happened before for myself to end up in this situation because what i realised about myself as a result of danganronpa was based around what i did in the timeline at the beginning

or... that, or the realisation that i was living in a year that was considered 'late into time' as 2019 considering that it was resolving the decade and was directly proceeding the next one. yeah, maybe me reacting erratically to it and taking it under the fact that it resolved the decade instead of just taking it as 'another year within time' leading me to acting in desperation in destructive ways was the cause within many contexts, social and cultural primarily, therefore leading me to an event that would cause me to not consider that year or any year beyond it a 'good year' which i would say is an extreme self-fulfilling prophecy. it's not like it wasn't a simple anticipation by that point though, was it? no, the next decade was actually coming, obviously i would not react to that apathetically and would be (the only sane person by) focusing on the fact that it serves as a resolution to something that has been happening for a long period. pretty sure, however, if i did react to that without caring about what it means on the second layers, yeah, i would not get myself involved in the consequences that would cause that year and everything onward to actually be terrible for me despite being on a level of resolution for things in general up to that point

but oh well with the forward-moving motion of time guess i can't do anything to counter me treating that year like that because of how it was late and within reality both so i guess i have to not only live with me reacting with extremity to the fact of the year turning out horribly for me on all accounts despite a resolution being the best time not to cause everything to worsen but also the actual direct consequences of doing so well isn't that just great. basically i sacrificed one decade ending well over the uncertainty of the next decade beginning well rather than waiting for either decade to do either of those things without causing some issue for myself, yet another thing in the amounting irony-centric choices in the 10,000s that support the present life that i am in. but of course, i act too much like myself and have the most control over what i want to think for myself to be able to have that comprehended by anyone who isn't me so everyone who isn't me seems to play dumb about what that actually means at all

as in not caring about the fact that i am actually living in a year that can be considered 'late' would cause me to be able to live through the rest of them without some issue that is simply defined as 'disproportionate inconvenient suffering' that would come as a direct result of caring about the fact that i am living in a year that can be considered 'late', with me caring in the first place due to worry of unwanted misfortune, with me caring about said unwanted misfortune due to being late in time being the direct cause of that unwanted misfortune. look it's paradoxical i don't like it anymore than you do... when hearing about it... because it's too surreal and meta-dramatic of a situation for the true extent of it to be acknowledged by others who don't even remotely know how to even think in such a convoluted method about future anticipations

and don't think that i wasn't aware of things that happened before that point and what point in time i was within during those previous points, what happened is that i willingly got myself into that situation by not deciding to give into temptations and just do something at the beginning to prevent the ending from being shameful enough for me to even consider the possibility of unwanted misfortune within what was one an anticipated future now being a late present to the extent where considering unwanted misfortune is the direct cause of me being involved in unwanted misfortune, and advanced unwanted misfortune at that due to me already being in such due to not giving into the temptations that i had at the beginning of a certain process, though mostly when i mean a process i also mean my life in general because it's the main thing that i have to manage in order to avoid something ironic and paradoxical like that from happening... thousandfold.. hundredthousandfold... definitely more than even that tbh lol