User blog:ItzAdreen/1,000 Word Story

Hello,

I need your opinions about this 1,000 word stroy that I wrote. Give me a WWW (What Went Well) and an EBI (Even Better If.) Also give me a score out of 10.

This story is about this girl called Avery Johnson, who has a blog. Many people know her as Shadow Girl. In this story, she will be giving out advice to anyone who has anxiety and depression.

This story is basically about my life, except for the brother-dying part, that isn't true.

I hope you enjoy it.

Shadow Girl’s Advice
Hello World,

'''Do you ever feel as if you’re the odd person out? Like you are the loner, the loser? The one who feels distant from their friends? The type of person that has stage frights? Those are the type of questions to describe my life.'''

'''Some of you know me as “Shadow Girl” which is the name of my blog. I am grateful that you find my blog fascinating. Thank you for following me, and for all the lovely comments you posted for my blog posts.'''

'''I will be telling you something that I never told anyone. And I think this blog post might help you.'''

'''I suppose to be the girl who loves to do anything; the type of girl who has a powerful imagination and creativity. I suppose to be energetic, happy, joyful, and myself. Now, I’m the shy, miserable, loser-type and a shadowy girl. '''

'''My worst enemy is the insulting, dark, evil spirit that is trapped inside me, isolating me, making me think that I have no friends, that nobody who loves me, that nobody who cares about me. The evil spirit is basically a cold, cruel, feeling that never leaves me alone; it’ll always haunt me. '''

'''I’ve been having this feeling ever since I was in Year 5. '''

'''Usually, I do not know how to explain this personal feeling to a real person; I couldn’t find the right words to describe it. So I decided to tell people about this dark feeling on this blog, so I can get some advice from them. Already I have comments. Some say that I’m not the only one who is feeling like this way; some say that they’re there for me; some gave me useful advice. I cried whenever I read the comments. It shows me that people loves me, that I’m not alone – and all my life I want to be loved by someone who understands me. '''

'''Some people say that I should tell someone about this metaphorical feeling. The thing is – I don’t know if I could. I just don’t have the strength and confidence to stand up, and tell a teacher or my parents.'''

'''I have a brother... well I had a brother, but he killed himself when he was 12. He did this because he has been going through the same situation as me. He felt alone, lost in darkness, even his eyes shown misery. On the 12th February, my parents were worried where my brother is. They’ve been calling his self phone more than ten or twenty times. They called the police, asked them to search for my brother. At 13:45p.m., the police visited our house and told us heart-breaking news – my brother was dead. The police found my brother, laying on the floor dead, blood stained on his chest, a knife resting on the palm of his hand. I cried, and cried, and cried for months – probably a year. I asked myself, ''Why did he do it? Did he even think of me?'' I bet not. I bet I was the last thing on his mind. '''

'''You know what the worst part is? My mother was pregnant with my little sister that was born in 2010. The same year my brother died. I want to tell my sister about our brother, but Mum and Dad said "We'll tell her when the right time comes." I wonder when the right time will come.'''

'''I’m starting to forget important memories of him. Like how he looks like, how he sounds like. Everything of my brother is like a blur. '''

'''Today, I miss my brother. I always wondered what it is like to have a brother, who will defend me from the bullies in my school, who could just hug me whenever I cry, telling me it’s alright, that he’s there for me; playing sports with me, going on holidays as a perfect, normal family. That’s what I want – just a brother, nothing else. '''

'''That’s why I want to die. I had enough of life; enough of getting isolated and enough of the dark feeling that’s trapped inside me. I want to die so I could see him again. But I always say to myself: If I suicide, will my brother appreciate it? I kept asking myself that question over and over again. '''

'''And I guess, the answer to that question is No. Even though I’m the last thing on earth that my brother thought of, I bet he is missing me. I bet he’s watching me in Heaven. '''

'''So if anyone has anxiety, depression or wants to do something suicide, then hear this: don’t do suicide. Don’t plan to do suicide. Suicide isn’t the answer. Like my friend once said: tell someone. You’ll feel better if you tell someone. Don’t keep this all to yourself. Tell your friend, your parents, a member of your family, a teacher – anyone who you trust. Or maybe even pray to God, ask him what you should do. Ask him to solve your dilemmas for you. Because God loves everyone, he can do anything.'''

'''If you keep this all to yourself, then it will damage your life – damage your future. I know some of you are scared to confess about these feelings, but ask your best friend to stand beside you; so he or she has got your back. It will help, trust me, it does.'''

'''Your parents, your friends, your family, your school, strangers, everyone around you, cares about you. You just didn’t realize that – even I didn’t realize that until last week. So if you suicide, what will everyone feel? What will they think? What will they  do in the future? '''

'''Just stop, and think for a moment before you do something.'So my advice: don’t do it. 'If you need any more advice, ask anyone. '''

'''We are here for you. Just ask – that’s it. '''

I hope this helps you.

Love,

Shadow Girl

Xxx 

'''I shut the laptop closed, put it on the side, and went to sleep. '''

'''That's it, that's the whole 1,000 Word Story. '''